Mind Like Monkey

Ready? Here comes The Question: What is the One Thing you could do that will make a difference in your life / relationship / goal / task?

This is the question my coach always asks me. She is as regular as clockwork on it. Every time she asks it, it makes me squirm, too. I know exactly what I should do. I just don't want to commit to that action. It is like she can see me from 800 miles away. I think she has a camera hidden in my office. When I start to waffle on a goal or task, she zings in there with The Question.

When faced with a stalled relationship, goal or task, most of the time I think we know what we need to do. Committing to do it is the hard part. These actions, no matter how easy (and they are usually quite simple), are never the comfortable thing to do. These actions take us out of our comfort zone and force us to reevaluate ourselves on different levels. Recognizing why it is uncomfortable is the key to improvement.

We improve most through adversity. To build strong muscles, we have to add resistance to our workouts. To build a strong network, we have to get out and talk to people. To advance in our career, we have to solve difficult problems. One of my favorite quotes from The Book of Mormon is "11. For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. " It goes on to explain how through opposition, we can experience the good things. We can't have joy without knowing misery or health without sickness.

We have to have trials to grow. Knowing that gets us past the first step: accepting there will be adversity to the new habit we are trying to create. Once we have this realization, we can move on to the next step: committing to the change. This is what is the heart of The Question. Once we determine the One Thing that can help us the most, we are already committing to doing it. Once we say it, name it, we have started on the path to accountability and success.

But what if there are many, many more than one thing to do to the relationship/goal/task? I have asked that question, both in sincerity and as a deflection from having to make the commitment. My coach always agrees there is probably more than one thing to do. But which is the One Thing that will make a difference? Pick one. The One. The most important One. There is always One Thing that makes the difference. Sure, there will be other One Things once the first one is mastered. But for now, forget the rest. Just focus on The One.

Say it out loud to yourself every morning while you look in the mirror. Write it on a note and attach it to your computer monitor or refrigerator door. Tell your coach or your kids. Now go and do the One Thing. Start today. Just Do It.

This is a repost from my personal blog: Dan In Focus.

Picture credit: Mark and Angel Hack Life

Augusto's 2011 Goals

I have been setting goals (with the real objective of accomplish them) since 2004. 2010 was not the exception, and honestly I accomplished many of them, including loose 31lbs, read more than 52 books (71 actually), unclutter our life more, finish the editorial draft of a Novella and some others that were accomplished in a small scale (in other words not as incredible as I envision them.)

The statistics are against the people that set goals, but I am convinced that they are really important, otherwise any road will do. If you don’t know were you are going, how do you know you are in the wrong road, or worse, going in the wrong direction. It’s for that reason that I consider my goals so important. I also believe that you should make sure, that your goals are balanced, you need to remember you are a whole, an individual, and if you only pick to improve in one direction, eventually you will get stuck, in a worse place. 

This are some of the goals for 2011:

• I Read more than 52 Books a Year
• I have a 34 waist
• I do the year one of 'Devotional Reading Plan' of Max Lucado Bible
• I Learn to type more than 70wpm
• I Write Daily 1500 words for at least 329 days
• I Spend more quality time with my wife and baby
• I go to Chruch once a Month
• I write 1 post a week for Mind Like Monkey
• I will write one more Novel before the end of 2011.
• I will write a book with Tara Rodden Robinson (No pressure Tara ;))
• I will work hard on selling the Novella in 2011

 

Any help that can be provided, will be accepted, and I will be grateful for it. I just want to wish that all your dreams and goals materialize for you in 2011, and this get to be your best year yet, as you may guess, that is my motto for 2011: My best year yet!

 

Christmas Traditions

Merry Christmas! Hapy Holidays! I love this time of year. There are many wonderful traditions surrounding the many holidays that coexist at the end of the calendar. It seems everyone has something to celebrate. Whatever your inclination, I hope this time of year is wonderful for you and yours.

Growing up, my family had so many traditions around Christmas. We used to hike into the woods and cut down a Christmas tree (always cedar). There was inevitably a bare side we had to disguise with something. Christmas morning, we had to make our beds, get dressed, make breakfast and have the table ready before we could wake Mom and Dad. Then we had to eat breakfast together before we could go see the tree and what Santa had brought. What an excruciating experience for a young child! Those few minutes seemed like weeks to me.

Many of my childhood traditions have hung around for my own family. We have a caroling party every year (It was last Saturday this year!) and have little green army men hiding in our Christmas tree. That started the year Toy Story came out and our son received a bucket of soldiers. Santa Claus took a few extra minutes out of his schedule to hide them all over the tree. The tradition stuck. Every year, no matter how much I protest, soldiers show up in our tree. We are down to only one this year, but he is on guard, up near the top, next to a silver ball. His lonely vigil is almost sad. I hope we don't lose this one.

This year we are going to add something to our Christmas Eve activities. My daughter is taking a class in school that requires her to visit several different churches as part of a project on world religions. We are going to attend midnight mass at the Catholic cathedral downtown. I have never been to mass. I have been to a few cathedrals in Europe, but know nothing about what will happen. I'm looking forward to it. It is way out of our comfort zone, since we are not Catholic, but I think it will be a great experience.

That is the challenge for this week. Honor your family traditions. Make a few new ones. Step outside your comfort zone. Let us know your favorite traditions we might incorporate ourselves. What are your favorite memories? Please share!

Picture credit: bbc.co.uk

Year In Review

I should be writing about how now is the time to pause, look back and congratulate oneself on the things accomplished this year. I should, but I'm not. Honestly, I am looking forward to this year being in the books and behind me. This rates as one of the three worst years I can remember. Unfortunately, The other two were in the last three. There is much to be learned from the last four years. 

Sure, there were some highlights from this year. I made some progress, learned more about myself and made changes. Boy, did I make changes. I am ready to sit and not have some changes for awhile. 

Without some friends, this year may have been a complete write-off in terms of progress. Trish Tobin reached out to me and threw me a life ring a couple months ago when I was drowning. I am much more upbeat about next year thanks to her cheering, coaching and holding me accountable. Everyone in a rut needs a friend like Trish.

That is my recommendation for today. As you go about evaluating this year, find a good, true friend who will listen and talk the year over with them. Talk the behaviors (good and bad) and have them hold you accountable for the changes you want to make. Trish has a draft of the goals I am working on for next year. She holds me accountable for the weekly progress I say I will make toward finalizing those goals. Come January, I will have something I never quite made this year - a written set of goals with next actions identified for each. She has made a huge difference in getting me off dead center. Thanks, Trish.

De-stress The Holidays

The holidays at the end of the year rate as one of the highest stress periods of the year. One of the biggest sources of stress can be the near uncontrolled spending that can easily happen in gift buying. Talk about the "gift that keeps on giving" - payments can last all the next year and beyond.

Over the past few years, my wife and I have hit on a method that has really helped us. Naturally, it involves making a list and checking it twice. After all, you don't see a stressed out Santa, do you? If it works for him, it could work for us.

We sit down in November and set a budget for our Christmas shopping. During the year, I set aside a specific amount from each month's budget into a Christmas fund in my savings account. It is part of my monthly budget and grows throughout the year. This in itself is a great boon, because there is always "seed money" to get things going. We also examine the budget for the month and see where we can pull money into the Christmas kitty. We usually pull the clothing and mad money budgets and any excesses that have built up throughout the year. After totaling it all up, we then have our Christmas Operating Budget.

Our next step is to write down a list of all the people to whom we would like to give gifts. We don't start assigning gifts or amounts. It is a brainstorm of people so that we don't forget anyone. Best to make this list as complete as possible. The last minute, "I forgot Aunt Jane!" gifts can really add up.

We also discuss holiday parties we want to throw, entertainment we want to see or any other holiday related expenses. This helps us get a handle on what all we want to do for the holidays and when they happen. We even put them on the family calendar so we don't overbook. 

Once we have the list, we decide how much we want to spend on each person and event. Comparing this to the budget amount really helps us decide what is most important and what things we can either cut back on or adjust. For example, this year is a little tighter than previous years. I decided I could make presents for many of the people on the list. By doing this planning in November, I have the time to actually get to the woodshop and get the work done before Christmas Eve. For the first time ever, I had the majority of the gifts made early so we could deliver them at Thanksgiving. We paid for the gas for the trip in saved postage alone! Talk about a way to relieve stress! It didn't even have a chance to start. 

Anyway, once we have a dollar amount assigned, we then brainstorm ideas for the gifts. I think this is key - have the budget in mind BEFORE the brainstorming begins. This way we don't get our hearts set on giving Aunt Zelda that cool limited edition Elvis plate she has always wanted if the budget is only $20. We also solicit lists from our kids, giving them an idea of the budget. That way they don't get stars in their eyes about a new laptop or a car (like I would ever give a teenager a car for Christmas, but that is another post). This is where the adjusting and discussions really come into focus. Don't give up. A calm decision now can save a heated, holiday-ruining argument later.

This weekend, my wife and I sat down with our lists and divided up the shopping. Yes, we are online shoppers, too.
I am happy to say that as of this morning, we have about 90% of the shopping complete. It is the Monday after Thanksgiving! What a relief it is. We have three more things to find locally and we are done. There is a little shipping to do this coming weekend and then we are ready to relax and really enjoy the holidays. 

Every year, we get a little better at staying close to the budget, but  we still have our problems. This year, for example, we blew the budget by buying a new Christmas tree. I should have been saving for it all along, but I didn't, so that's that. The key thing is we decided about how much we would spend, what it would do to the finances and how we would absorb the added expense. I can't remember a year where the Christmas bills hung around beyond January. 

What causes you the most stress this time of year? Can it be reduced with a little planning and discussion with your spouse or family? Take an evening and tackle it before it gets too late. Make this the best holiday celebration ever! 

 

Santa image from: The Spoof

Thankful for...

Happy Thanksgiving from us Monkeys. We hope you and your families are all well and enjoying time together this holiday. For those of us in the Rocky Mountains, this means braving icy roads, blizzards and near zero temperatures. It is definitely time to be thankful. 

As I was contemplating this post, I started thinking about the usual things - family, health, job, shelter, etc. Last night I sat down and watched part of one of my favorite movies, Tuck Everlasting. While watching the movie, it hit me what I am most thankful for right now is beauty. 

I love great music. The soundtrack by William Ross is one of my favorites. The haunting melody and the rich orchestration brings me back to listen to it when I want to be inspired. The folk bluegrass-style melodies bring a lightness to my heart like no other. It is part of my "writing" playlist. 

I attended a couple local plays this week. They reminded me of the joy of a good performance. I appreciate people sharing their talents. Having acted in several plays and played in the pit orchestras on many more have forged a strong tie to musicals. My daughter said she likes to go with me so she can laugh at me getting all dusty-eyed. She doesn't understand the emotional tie I have to certain pieces of music. The Music Man was put on by the high school this week. It was the first play I was in, some 34 years ago. Every song is dear to me and can make me mist over with memories. There is so much beauty in memories and music for me. 

A couple of friends from my previous jobs have been posting some of their pictures on facebook recently. They remind me of the beauty of this world. The one above is of the Boise River and is by Ron Downey. I spent many lunch hours walking along the Boise River. It made me a little homesick. Also, please visit Keith Couch's website and look through his work. He has a terrific eye for color. His photographs are stunning. The lily pads take my breath away. 

Today, I drove North from Utah into Southeastern Idaho. The freeway winds through a beautiful mountain pass. It is one of my favorite drives. There is a little rest area up at the top of the Malad Pass. When I was a kid, we used to drive specifically to there to do a picnic among the trees. I stopped there earlier this year, just as the leaves were turning color. It was quiet and I could hear the leaves falling to the ground. 

Please take a few minutes to take stock of the beauty that is around you. stop, breath and look through new eyes and the splendor the world has to offer. Listen to the sounds and the music around you. Take some time to peacefully enjoy the beauty.

photo credit: Ron Downey

Forget Your Bad Habits

Leave your bad habits alone. Don't work on them. This sounds counter-intuitive. After all, aren't we always trying to change those habits? Every January, don't we make all sorts of resolutions to get rid of our bad habits? Don't we want to become better?

Sure, but focusing on a bad habit may not be the answer. Instead, perhaps we need to concentrate on a good habit and make it better. Spend time on improving our strengths, rather than chasing weakness.

I was thinking today about a management article I read some time ago. I wish I could cite it, but I can't remember where I read it. The author posited we should focus on improving the good habits of direct reports instead of picking at their bad behaviors. He contendes more value will come from increasing an employee's strengths than improving their weakness.

I can see the wisdom here. We all have faults. We all have things we don't like about ourselves and wish we would do better. However, unless that weakness is actually causing outward problems for oneself or others, perhaps it is best left alone.

For example, for years I have been trying to go to bed earlier. It has not caused me too much trouble over the years that I don't. There are days when I am tired and not performing well, but for the most part, it doesn't bother anyone else. Instead of beating myself up mentally for not hitting this goal, what if I spent that energy improving a skill I have been ignoring, like my woodturning. Will this be a better use of the energy? Will I get a better return on my time investment?

I'm not advocating ignoring all bad habits. Some do need addressing and removing. I believe we know what they are. I'm saying to try concentrating on improving strengths at the expense of certain, less important weaknesses. What do you think?

Quick Lessons From Observation

Here are a few quick lessons for the day.

1. When you have a great idea, write it down immediately, now matter how half baked it may be. When I suggested the topic of learning through observation a few weeks ago, I had, what I thought at the time,  a great idea to write on. Now? I can't remember it.

2. If you put a task off, it won't get any easier. It may even get harder. I have been noodling over this post for over a week. It was due last Friday and I still kept putting it off. Yes, I could have skipped it, but I would have learned I can get away with skipping instead of doing. That is not a habit I want to start.

3. You can learn much by watching others. You can learn even more by watching yourself. I believe taking a step back and analyzing actions, motives and results is very healthy. This concept is at the core of the weekly review, even though it may not be expressly stated as such. We learn by doing. We gain wisdom by thinking about those actions and planning different actions to gain a different result next time. That is the key, young padawan.

4. If you must procrastinate, do something useful while you are doing it. This weekend, instead of writing, I cleaned my desk. This morning, when I sat down to write, I had a clean space to work in. It is kind of like a little gift sent to my future self. 

Monkey see, Monkey do: Tara has observed a lot by just watching

Learning by observation is the process of consulting with your own experience, your own unique perspective, and taking insight and knowledge from it. Observation can be a powerful way of learning. That said, it’s also a double edged sword, because as you know, your perspective can be skewed, distorted, or narrowed. We don’t like to admit it, but sometimes we can be wrong about things. And what we learn from deformed observation can lead us into a trap. Nonetheless, experiential learning—getting knowledge from observation—can be a valuable tool.

Personally, I’ve learned a lot by observation, often by observing negative examples. Mentoring was like this for me.

In graduate school, I was dissatisfied with the sorts of guidance and mentorship I got. I told myself over and over that was I was going to be different. And I was—I made very different sorts of mistakes from the ones I observed my own mentors making. That’s one of the other problems with observation—you can’t see everything. Yes, I learned to be tactful in how I delivered feedback by receiving and suffering through critical and tactless feedback. But because I couldn’t observe myself in advance, I had to learn from the observation of my own negative example in retrospect. It was painful, believe me.

So while I recommend learning from negative examples, perhaps positive examples are the best sorts of teachers for learning from observation. Focus on what works and ask yourself, “How might that work for me, too?”

I do this all the time with my fellow primates here at Mind Like Monkey. Augusto, for example, is all the time giving me opportunity to watch what great friendship looks like. And Dan is as steady and reliable as they come. But the only reason I’ve learned by observing them is because I took the time to pay attention, be alert, and on watch.

What can you learn by observation today? Make a commitment to be fully present and see what you see. Subject your observations to some scrutiny and see if they are well formed and accurate. Reflect and draw your lessons. As the great Yogi Berra puts it, “You can observe a lot by just watching.”

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Thanks for your support! Word of mouth is just the best.

Reach Out And Help Someone

"Cast thy bread upon the water: for thou shalt find it after many days."  - Ecclesiastes 11:1

It has been a good week. I rediscovered a passion I had allowed to slip away. I spent two days this week teaching classes in a conference. Even with the lingering effects of a cold, I came out of each session energized and feeling terrific. In fact, I haven't felt this alive since the last time I taught a class.

On Friday, I met with my "accountability buddy" and we helped each other work toward meeting our goals. Spending a few minutes helping her clarify and go after her top challenges helps me get more excited to tackle mine.

Helping others is a great way to get ourselves out of a rut. I could go on with all sorts of examples and anecdotes, but the short story is it works. You probably know it does, too. If you have forgotten, now would be a good opportunity to remember. Find an organization. Volunteer. Find a group who needs a hand. Or find one person who just needs someone to listen. Don't worry about yourself. Give of your time and talents. You will be richly rewarded.